


Gerard's Sugalumps

by orphan_account



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2013-12-09
Packaged: 2018-01-04 04:43:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1076676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hey, buddy, could you cover those things please?” A guy asks, averting his eyes. </p>
<p>“Well, let me tell ya,” Gerard says. “I see the girls looking at my junk, then checkin’ out my trunk, then back to my sugalumps.” </p>
<p>A crack!fic based off the song Sugalumps - Flight of the Conchords.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gerard's Sugalumps

**Author's Note:**

> This is, of course, a crack!fic. It is based off of the song Sugalumps by Flight of the Conchords. 
> 
> Now, this fic can stand alone, BUT if you listen to the song it will make it so much better.

He walks - no, strides -  down the street, all the girls staring at the one spot. Gerard sees them, of course, he’s wearing track pants that always put the girls in a trance. At least he didn’t wear his dungarees or pantaloons, that didn’t end well last time.

“Hey, buddy, could you cover those things please?” A guy asks, averting his eyes. 

“Well, let me tell ya,” Gerard says. “I see the girls looking at my junk, then checkin’ out my trunk, then back to my sugalumps.” 

“Sugalumps?” The guy inquires, finally allowing himself to stare.

“Yeah, they look so good that’s why I keep ‘em in the front,” Gerard states, sauntering away with no shame in the world and no fucks to give.  

No one’s ever been able to withstand the power of his sugalumps, they’re so sweet and white and highly refined. They’ll try to steal a feel of the family jewelry, but they always shrivel up and die because of the sheer power of the sugalumps.  

Gerard even remembers when he stood on the stoop and girls gave him gifts - like free chicken soup. 

But like I was saying, no one has ever been able to tame his sugalumps. That’s why he stands on the corner everyday going “uhmst uhmst” (his sugalumps mating call, if you will). 

He can’t handle no one ever answering his call and not being able to be touched because of his sugalumps, so he takes matters into his own hands. 

He walks into the shop with his dick in a sling, the area still tender from where he chopped off his beloved sugalumps.  

“Holy shit! What happened to you?!” The shopkeep asks, staring at his sling.

“How much will you give me for the family jewels?” 

The shopkeep thinks this over for a moment. “Ten bucks.”  

“No way.” Gerard says, turning back towards the door. 

“Ten bucks and a frisbee!” The keep calls after him. 

“Okay.”

The the shopkeep - who’s name was Frank - put them on display. 

“Why did you chop those marvelous sugalumps off?” Frank asks him, handing over the frisbee. 

“I miss cumming from another person’s hand, and the sugalumps were getting overpowering. And besides, all the ladies wanted a taste of them, and I’m gay so....” Gerard explains. 

“Me too.” Frank answers.  

“Do you think it’s weird I cut them off?”

“No, I cut them off too.”

Gerard fell in love with Frank and Frank fell in love with Gerard and they had a lot of sex (even though they couldn’t produce the sperms because their sugalumps were cut off). 

Gerard’s sugalumps were sold as hacky-sacks later that day. 


End file.
